Brandon Rosen
Staff Writer
The Barrack football team has the best players. We have Vashti, Achashverosh, Esther, and Haman as some of the best, but our most extraordinary member is Mordechai, our amazing QB and Athlete of the Issue. Mordechai managed to miss a 1-foot pass to Vashti. He somehow hit an opposing player in the face getting a 50 yard penalty for the team. But he managed to make a 90-yard pass to himself by using a tube. He made the bold move of going to the judge who called a holding call in the Super Bowl and showing him what a real holding call would be and what he called was while holding him over a pit of piranhas. The team thinks he should be removed, but his parents bribed the coach to let him stay on the team and be the athlete of the issue.