By Lila Elkins
Department of Safety
Jack M. Barrack Hebrew Academy
Bryn Mawr District of Pennsylvania.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2022
ANONYMOUS Sixth Grader Peddled Hundreds of Banned String Friendship Bracelets to Barrack Sixth Graders.
A Pennsylvania State Attorney under alias: GREENBERG, infiltrated an elite ring of sixth grade males who illegally distributed and peddled over 600 string bracelets to the greater Lower Merion community under the age of 13. The investigation commenced on Monday, January 1st, 2022, when GREENBERG was admitted to the school as a new student in the sixth grade. In a statement from GREENBERG he said, “It took me only two weeks for them to completely initiate me into the group. After, I attended each of their Wawa parking lot hangouts and 9PM playground Instagram photoshoots.”
GREENBERG had started as a student at Jack M. Barrack Hebrew Academy one week after the school’s administration had become fearful of the influx of friendship bracelets on school grounds. Anonymous tips were given to the school that students' circulations were being cut off by the tightness of some bracelets, and the situation escalated after a student was found asleep in class, unresponsive, with over 19 bracelets on his arm. On January 2nd, GREENBERG began eating lunch with the suspected perpetrator and his group of friends. “Each of them wore the same red and blue string bracelet on their arm, and some even had anklets, which in my later research, I found, was one of the most highly coveted products. After week two the ANONYMOUS sixth grader invited me to General Wayne Public Park where at 9:07 PM I purchased my first string bracelet. I immediately brought it to the DA for evidence.” (GREENBERG).
Victims of ANONYMOUS’s scheme later testified against him in district court. One stated, “It was a phenomenon that was all consuming, once the bracelets made it into lunch conversation, it was a done deal. The one thing on everyone’s mind was: how can I get bracelets, and not only that, but how can I get more bracelets than everyone else?” One sixth grader who did not testify, but later came forward with information stated, “I was in a dark place during the friendship bracelet scandal. Thank God my circulation wasn’t cut off - but it was difficult to accept myself after I stole $200 from my mom’s wallet to pay off my bracelet debts.” A witness who was not an abuser of the bracelet phenomenon stated, “I may have dabbled in some bracelet buying on the weekends, or at least at grade events, but in a tasteful way. I remember a close friend of mine really tore their life apart though. She lied to those closest to her, including myself, and the next week I found her sitting on the ground outside of the school building with a blanket around her. She had been there the whole night. I asked her in all seriousness to roll up her sleeve, and it was heartbreaking. She had bracelets that went up to her shoulders, I counted 38.”
On January 17th, Jack M. Barrack Hebrew Academy banned the distribution, and wearing of string friendship bracelets. One sixth grader stated, “That was their biggest mistake. If it wasn’t an addiction before, it became one after we weren’t allowed to have them.” After several weeks of illegal distribution of bracelets, GREENBERG noticed that ANONYMOUS’S newest shipment of bracelets had price tags and barcodes on each product, proving that ANONYMOUS’S claims (that each bracelet was handmade) were fraudulent. The sales only escalated, and friendship bracelets became an addiction that flooded the greater Lower Merion area. “We all went crazy, I remember clawing at a girl’s bracelet just because it had five colors instead of four.” (Anonymous sixth grade girl). “I was so desperate to buy the new bracelets and anklets, but no matter how many I bought, it was never enough to fill the gaping void ANONYMOUS had created within all of us.”
On January 30th, ANONYMOUS’S ex-lover, Tatiana, published her first tell-all autobiography, explaining her relationship with ANONYMOUS while he captained America’s largest fraudulent friendship bracelet ring. “The world was ours those three weeks. I remember the candlelight dinners we used to have. In a Robin’s egg colored box he would shower me in string bracelets, anklets, necklaces, even rings for G-d’s sake. I would sit there feeling like a queen, with his friends pouring me a glass of orange juice. I thought I loved him. And yet, nothing gold can stay… and nothing string can suffice.” (Tatiana Bordoza 2010 - 2022).
On February 1st GREENBERG brought ANONYMOUS to justice after arresting him in the Bryn Mawr Avenue Wawa parking lot. ANONYMOUS was convicted of his crimes and his name was removed from all public news outlets per his mother’s request. GREENBERG was finally able to go back to his home life with his wife and three children.