The Barrack Shuffleboard Team
By Don Miller
As all know, Barrack’s new shuffleboard team has been recently “popping off” to quote team member Manny Shklar. The self-titled “Shalom Shufflers'' team has been consistently winning by reaching the required 51 points to win, often before the opposing team can even reach half of that! This incredible rise in popularity came from the initial backlash after Barrack canceled its other sports programs, due to the students' consistency in getting hurt. From sprained ankles all the way to herniated disks, all of our collective bubbies simply could not take it any more and shut down Barrack sports as we knew it. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as Barack seems to be finding their shuffleboard antics to be more their speed. After the recent defeat of Kohelet's shuffleboarders, Barrack has now become the reigning champions in Pennsylvania. Now that our team has risen to the pinnacle of shuffley greatness, we heard what Don Miller and Manny Shklar, the captains of the team, had to say about their victories: “We gave Kochelet our signature, good ol’ ‘go-around-hanger’ to finish off the match.” Don said reflectively. “We performed so well, it seemed like the duce line was positively charged, and our weights were negative!” Manny added humbly. “Yeah man, to sum it up, we really shuffled those guys good!” Don said with a clear look of passion. Manny replied valiantly, “I think that this is a huge ‘W’, we definitely deserved those dubskis!”
Responding to the question of how they did it, the Shalom Shufflers attribute their success to Hashem and their participation in morning Mechitza Minyan. Now that our Shalom Shufflers have become number one, Barrack has decided to hold a celebration in the front circle on April 22nd to honor Barrack’s greatest achievement. Please bring adequate gifts for each player no less expensive than 5 Barrack Bucks (40 USD). We sincerely hope that our pride and joy, the Shalom Shufflers, continue their successful shuffleboarding career and have a positive impact on Barrack’s image and bottom line.