What To Do When Your Locker Becomes Part Of A Swamp (a manual)

By Margot Englander


  1. Wear rain boots. They’re the only kind of shoe equipped to handle the swampy water.

  2. Make sure to carry a raincoat with you at all times, as well as an umbrella. If you’re seated in a certain second-floor lab, the skies could open up at any time and it’s best to be prepared!

  3. Watch where you’re walking. You don’t want to accidentally trip into a cord powering the greatest anti-swamp machine known to man – a household fan.

  4. Carry earmuffs. They’re the only deterrent to the squish squash that sounds as you race across the widely spreading moat.

  5. A camera’s probably a good idea too. When’s the last time you got to visit a swamp?

  6. Clear out your locker. You probably won’t be able to (or simply can’t handle) visit your locker too frequently for a couple of days. It’s best to steer clear.

  7. Call an exterminator. Control the mold before it spreads too far and can’t be handled.

  8. Console with friends. Odds are, they’ve been affected by this as well. Lean on the shoulders of your kehillah, that’s what they’re here for!

  9. Bring at least three bathing suits. As well as sunscreen, a hat, your English book, and anything else you might need for a day at the beach.

  10. Finally, a canoe might be a good idea. We don’t know how long this will last or how large this will spread.

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